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The hard truth is that adoption is not just like giving birth. And as much as we would like to think otherwise, not all forever families are forever.

* * * Like many adoptive parents, Carol fell in love with a picture first.

At first she was relieved because she had been afraid that CPS would take her children away.

She and her husband put the house on lockdown and kept Henry in their line of sight at all times.

She knew that he lived at the orphanage with both an older and younger biological sibling and she knew that for some reason he was the target of teasing by the other orphans. Carol and her husband, already parents to a six-year-old biological child, knew what conditions in his Caribbean orphanage were like because they were already in the process of adopting a special-needs child from the same program, a toddler girl named Lily.

Gazing at Henry’s picture online in the photo listings for the orphanage, Carol felt led.

But in other ways, adoption myths betray our children by giving lie to their origins. Embracing our children means embracing their stories even when they are difficult to hear.

She would have the same rights as our biological son. A few weeks later, Madison’s amended birth certificate would arrive, with my name as her birth mother and my husband’s name as her birth father.

All of her original birth records would be locked up, sealed away, inaccessible.

He told her how he got the other children to give in. “It was stuff I didn’t even know that a six-year-old was capable of.” Carol called her state’s child protective services (CPS) department.

They told her that unless the children were more than two years apart, it wasn’t considered abuse.

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That is when he became “the angriest boy alive,” Carol says. He knew he was out of control but didn’t know how to stop.

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