Dating a deaf person
But let’s look at the bigger picture, Ruane said in an interview with deaffriendly: “I think the major challenge that people face in relationships is being able to be comfortable with themselves, their own histories, their own 'damage.’ Successful relationships evolve between people who are able to work their damage and co-exist with someone else - in spite of their flaws or weird hang ups.This is true for all couples.” Confronting this in a healthy way is what builds a strong, lasting relationship.Whether we’re eternal singletons or halves of happily married pairs, we’re always evolving – and so are our relationships (or pursuit thereof).Stay tuned for our follow-up articles in the coming weeks- about dating tips for deaf/deaf relationships, how to handle breakups and exes within the tight-knit Deaf Community, dealing with extended social networks (like in-laws), and language barriers.“Taking an, ‘Oh, don't worry about it - I'm sure we'll communicate just fine' approach may set a tone of mistrust if communication doesn't go smoothly,” she added, noting that “an entire date of dodging awkward moments” may result. “Use this as an opportunity to help your date learn more about you,” says Ruane.Initially glossing over our needs is what leads many of us into the “nod and pretend we are master lip-readers” syndrome when we are eager to please. “Make suggestions about what works for you and what doesn't.You are being sussed out from head to toe, for long-term mating potential (the latest urban dating trend: dating by credit score) … “It's often best to do one-on-one dates in the beginning before diving into group settings,” says Ruane.“You want to become comfortable with one another and learn how to best communicate before attempting a social setting where you're surrounded by all deaf or all hearing - that could add unnecessary stress in the beginning before you've developed coping skills as a couple and are familiar with how to help you support one another.” Disastrous dates are the stuff of Hollywood cinema, following every formula imaginable: Questionable hair gel, a mismatched blind date between an unimpressed nine and a star-struck four, lackluster chemistry, and so on. “If the motivation is not evident with the very first date, don't throw in the towel - some of the best relationships are the ones where couples fumble about in the beginning and grow stronger together over time,” Ruane said.
A wise man once said, “You only get one chance to make a first impression.” So when we meet a new prospective mate, we arm ourselves with breath mints, wrap ourselves in Spanx (or, for denizens of the online dating world, fudge our weight by a pound or ten), and spiffed-up career credentials.“Stick to familiar stomping grounds such as a restaurant or coffee shop you know has good lighting and acoustics,” suggested Ruane.Also, consider going to a place where you’re a regular and the wait staff knows you (and knows how to take your order).Ruane suggests indoor mini-golf, museum exhibits, rock climbing, and dance or acrobatic performances for fun first dates.“Try and find something that would be fun for you, but you likely wouldn't do on your own - that way if the date is a bust and has you wanting to head for the hills, at least you had fun and can finally cross that *'glow in the dark country line dancing' off your bucket list! Jean wrote: “The best dating tip I've offered in my 19 years as an advice columnist: Never go to dinner on the first date.